Aries Full Moon…Curious?

The air is electric tonight. A bold and playful energy swirling with the leaves. I could feel the spirits looking at me over their shoulders, eyes direct into mine, lips tweaked that amused and inviting way. An invitation to play, to play for the sake of playing…to see life through the eyes of a child, to be in the moment with wonder and curiosity.

The feeling makes me pause in the middle of the grocery parking lot and look up at the moon…yes…there she is beautiful and dazzling among the silver will o’ wisp of clouds. I am already thinking about coffee…the pinon pine coffee I have from the Southwest. And I
will brew a bistro, and drink it from my Pendleton “ancestors “ mug…the one with the grandfather silhouetted against the stripes of sunset, pointing up at the constellations of the night sky brilliant overhead. The children are leaning in to hear the stories of the stars shared in circle around the campfire.

Smile.

I meet a friend in the store…with her husband and charming three year old son. She is expecting another baby.  After we parted, I mused about her beauty and the miracle of life. Forty five minutes later I am leaving the grocery with my canvas bag full of goodies. Quinoa, potato bread for Jim, oatmeal, bananas, 3 Luna bars for tomorrow’s field trip, freshly ground spring red wheat flour grown in my own heartland, Montana. And I glance up at the moon.

Driving home the windows are down and I can feel autumn in the breeze. The season has shifted. The car unloaded, I inhale the scent of wood burning. A fireplace, a chimney? Smile. It is below 70 you know. Sami goes outside and I head down the hall to turn on the attic fan, hoping the draft brings even the faintest whisper of the smoky scent into the house.

Oh yeah.

I work at the sink, chasing the last of the stragglers of the great autumn ant migration down the drain. Clearing dishes is not a favorite chore and at this moment the task feels sacred. The water put on to boil, the dishwasher whirring, the dog licking; I get to sit down to write.

My spot is in the living room, the glare of the laptop really too severe. The coffee strong and hot. There is this sense of calmness and peace in the house.  I revel in the magic of nightfall leaking in through open windows, with cricket song and hopefully the owl inquiring,

“Who cooks for you? Who, who, who cooks for you?”

I cannot resist, have to go out and stand in the moon shadows. Damp, tender, green grass underfoot. Crackling, scratchy grass of a few weeks ago replenished and refreshed with cool temperatures and moisture.  I feel the Earth breathing, sighing, preparing for winter.

Standing firmly, connected to Earth, the feeling of shifting energy is strong and gentle, flowing through and around me. Stillness. Breathe. Smile. My favorite time of year.

And my heart whispers,

“What would it look like if I approached my challenges with curiosity and self-love?”

Smile.

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“My” Horse

Chosen by a horse? You know, I am struggling with what to write and such.  And all I really want to do today is share “my” horse, Ceili.  I use the quotations because she is my horse to work with, to play with and to learn with. Some time ago I read a book called, Chosen by a Horse by Susan Richards. It is the story of a horse choosing a woman to be her companion in a deep journey of healing for both.  This morning I was thinking…was I chosen by a horse?

A mirror for me as stallion in my herd. Ceili has a great story, exhibiting strength and character from a very young age. She is the Alpha mare in her barn. Her owner, my friend refers to her as a stallion without the ____. Nothing happens without her awareness. She is a Pinto. Tall, elegant and strong and spirited. When I first met her I was far from ready to handle her.  I declared her my “goal horse” last February.

I watched carefully as my friend worked with her in the arena.  She was saying how Ceili was following the lead, and that it was an act.  She was waiting for her opportunity to act out. And in a second she blew the longe circle.  Throwing her head in the air, tossing her main and jumping to a gallop, she charged down the arena. My eyes welled up as she played, free.  It was me…yes…me at the tender age of 8…running about the yard, tossing my long locks, galloping from one end of the yard to the other…a little girl-always the stallion in her imaginary herd.

And she works with me. After several months of Sundays, I was offered the chance to work with Ceili.  Excitement, nervousness and a sense of pride in my growing abilities jumbled around my being.  Her energy is completely different than beloved Taboo. Her strength radiated through the lead rope. I got to brush her. No feet, just brushing this time and back into the stall. Whew! I did it!

Under the kind and  watchful eye of my mentor, the next time we went into the arena. I began walking her, engaging her, getting to know her-off lead.  I talked calmly to her, starting and stopping. A large, silver, exercise ball was in the arena for the horses to play with.  Ceili was not familiar with this orb sitting at the end of the arena.  I walked with her and slowing began introducing her to the ball.  She got closer and closer, trusting me. Finally she put her nose to it and did not jump when I nudged it away with my boot. What a great day that was!

A mirror for me and my stuff.  As the weeks have passed, my confidence has grown and I am no longer fearful when she rears up or dances unexpectedly. Fear has been replaced by a healthy respect and immediate observation to see what may have set her off.  I am learning her body language and about how she sees me.  She lets me know when my energy is offensive. On one occasion she wanted no part of an emotionally charged outburst over old issues. She about danced out of the cross ties to get away from me.  As I breathed to settle and release that energy in myself, she settled down as well. Lesson learned…leave the drama at the door!  and beyond that…if the energy is that unsettling, should I even give it a presence in my life? Ah! now that is the lesson!

So did Ceili choose me? Will I ever know?  Doesn’t matter. Only my gratitude for the burgeoning relationship between me and “my” horse as I follow my calling…

 

 

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From little girl to grownup…

This week a small remark prompted a huge realization.

“Look at his cute bonnet!” as  I ran my hands over a woven plaid hood-like garment hanging on a hook outside the stall. I knew it was a fly mask, and still the little 10 year old that loves horses overrode my adult languaging.

After tossing this casual observation from my little girl self, my mentor turned about and looked me in the eye.

“That is a fly mask.”

I giggled, still the 10-year old.  I knew that, and still was making light of it.

She leveled a look only a wise soul can deliver, “I want you to learn the proper vernacular.”

Hmmm…that prompted a long train of thought.  How many times has the little girl come through and in an attempt to make light, has discredited me? This can also be the old Gemini energy from my lineage. The trickster coming in when things are tough or serious.

And in this moment I realized I was finished “playing with horses” and wanted to work with horses.  I wanted to be serious about my own learning and about how I could best work with the horses for their benefit.

Grooming my horse, I asked her what she thought. We have great sessions. She mirrors my thoughts and reacts intuitively giving me hints to the answers that I already hold within.

Up until now, this has been about my little girl realizing a life long dream. It has been about healing that chasm within my heart. And now it is about partnership. The girl inside has her dream. I have made the committment to the horses. Now I want more. I want to learn and partner with the horses for OUR greatest good.

Horses are great teachers. Cliche’, yes. And worth stating over and over again. I have graduated elementary school and the playground. Time to choose what it is I am willing to make concious actions to achieve. With the horses and my life.

By the light of the full Capricorn Moon, I embrace the opportunity to shift into grownup mode and commit to actions steps supporting my life purpose.  That little girl can come out and play upon invitation, rather than impulse.

 

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